9th Ramadan (1/1)

“Today is great isn’t it, Minha?” Ravi steers the steering and pulls out into the main street. We’re seated comfortably and do you know how bad I want to sit at the back? But never mind, once you’ve landed your but right next to him, he won’t let you get off that easy. I still can make out the roguish tone in his voice.“Yours is great. Sure.” He turns to me and grin, swearing that he will shut in a matter of second. I smile back at him weakly. Oh Allah, thank you for the strength of this endurance.About fifteen minutes after leaving the school building, the car pulls in through the driveway of the hospital area. There are few elderly people taking some recreational time by walking outside of the buildings in their sickly-looking hospital clothes. We quickly go inside and check in for Dad’s ward.“Are you going in or not?” I ask Ravi. He seems hesitant, tailing me so far behind.“Right. Do you want me to?” I shoot him a weird look and shrug.“Whatever.” The door of the ward is pushed and I look around the room. Most of the beds are empty and there’s just a little amount of them that is left. Why is so soon people get healthy and discharge? Realizing that Ravi is staying behind, I let the door closes softly, not intending to attract much attention here. I walk up to Dad who only emits a small smile at my presence.“Hi Dad.” I greet gently while he just shoots me a witty look.“Assalamualaykum.” I widen my eyes a little after making sure they don’t bug out in obviousness. It is really a long time he hasn’t use that phrase. But no wonder, it always sounds good to hear.“Wa’alaykumsalam.” I let the smile lingers on my lips for a while as I grasp his right hand and make a motion of hand-shaking. Dad’s hand falls limp again his side again as I release it. “How are you feeling, Dad?” I keep my eyes fixed at him and sit on the plastic chair, glancing at his right, dangling leg by the end of the bed.“Much better, dear.” My heart softens when he reaches out and strokes my hair, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. How can I hate him so much before? I just want to ask him so bad. Dad, what have you done to make me hated you so much before?A brief silent passes us before he speaks up. “Minha, if I don’t drink again that night, I’m pretty much sure that this won’t happen. I could make my way out to home just perfectly fine although the storm was really bad that night.”“It’s okay.” This time, the ‘okay’ thing sounds raspy and croaky, as if sand has just being poured mercilessly down my throat. “Things just happen. We can’t do anything about it anymore.” Right?Dad reveals his thin smile and I keep staring at from the bandage to the big cardboard bed pan that the hospital has left a supply off by the side of the bed. A streak of late afternoon golden ray falls across Dad’s leg and I stare at the sight of that too, clamming up only to get the situation more awkward. It is. Since before, we really didn’t talk much. Heck, as far as I can remember, it was a sentence per day like, ‘how’ school?’ and we’ll exchange the same questions and answers on the next day and so on. But, we just literally stop talking to each other when Dad starts losing the heartbeat of the newly-embraced religion. He started to leave little by little of the Muslim lifestyle which he has grown accustomed to since he married Mum. He started betraying the rules and drank.Only then I realize that he had a low-faith towards Islam. His iman isn’t strong enough, yet, I guess. But, for someone who is bound to be the leader of a family is just...not supposed to be like that. Does my question answered yet?“I’m sorry.”“Yes?” I look up at him subconsciously.“I’m sorry for being like this, especially to you and your mother. I just notice how hurtful it could be to upset the people who always in need to lend and lean onto every time they go through thick and thin. But they just dwindle away alone without no one to say or support a single thing for them.”“Dad...”“Fortunate isn’t it? I just notice how it feels like, to ignore the people who truly need me in their life. Sometimes, I wonder that will you be there to bear with me when I desperately in need with both of you?”“Of course we will Dad!” I tightly clutch his hand and bring it to my chest, silently biting back the tendency to break into a sob. But I can already hear the rumble of thunder that threatens to let the rain fall anytime soon.I hear Dad’s longing voice when he utters the Almighty name of Allah S.W.T. It slips out of his mouth so smooth and welcoming which I find so fond not to hug him at the moment. However, his injured self restrains me from doing that.People say that daughter usually has a greater pull towards her father than her mother and she even take over most of the father’s natural characteristics. Oh God, I believe that, so much. I think it’s the only reason as to why I can understand him today.Allah S.W.T makes trials so that people will regret what they have done in their eventful past.“Let’s start a brand new day, shall we? I hope, I still have the chance to make up for everything I’ve done.” He reaches out again and caresses my face with tender expression displayed on his face.Thanks Allah. There are pays for whatever happens to us right? I think I’ve seized that pay.I nod slowly, eyeing the golden streak laid out on the bed gradually fading as the empire of cloud naturally blocks the source of light. It fades just like how the hatred and sadness buried in my chest disappear. “Thanks Dad.” I can’t help anymore. I stand up and hug him carefully, passively sniffing back....Dad says Mum has gone home with Aunt Zheng not too long before I come here and she’ll come back tonight. I think, I’ll have the chance to meet her at home this evening. I excuse myself as the feeling worry over Ravi suddenly strikes me. Did I take too long inside? Is he bored? Did he already left? Feeling concerned, I let those wild thoughts meander in my mind while pulling the door open.I’m surprised to come into such commotion outside, as if they’re waiting for me to come out for their turns.“Minha!” That chirping voice belongs to Chun, I know. She beams with her parents by her side, holding some fruits and bouquet of flowers.“Hey.” I turn aside and that’s Xiumin! He comes alone. He’s wearing a cap and I find myself taking a good look at his black bang that falls straight on his forehead. I look down at Ravi who’s sitting on the line of chairs by himself. In return, he grins up at me, too creepy to his own good.“I’m just waiting for them okay!” His arms are gesticulated in the air when he sees what information I’m shooting on. I guess he’s trying to explain why he doesn’t want to come in with me.“You don’t tell me-” I say between gritted teeth.“That’s surprise, Minha.” Xiumin suddenly perks up and for someone who always looked calm and sensible like him is almost possible to take in fully.“Surprise!” There goes that gaily, booming voice which I love to hear. Without warning, Chun attacks me with a bear hug and rapidly chatters. “I’ll go visit your father with my parents first okay? Wait for me!” She pulls away and with the freshly-lighten mood, her family push into the ward. I turn around and find out the two chaps have comfortably taken a seat next to each other.I rest both hands on my hips and throw a look at Ravi. “It’s not very nice of you, young man for keeping this from me. Do you want me to declare war again?”“Ain’t no! They ask me to, right Xiumin? Besides that loud girl kept forcing to not being myself. I’m not this secretive either.” He shrugs while I furrow in discontent, locking eyes with him in a rude manner while ploughing my way to the vacant sit next to Xiumin.“Chun isn’t loud, you’re the one who involuntarily has a big, fat mouth to keep some peace.” He makes a face and I have this desire to smack it. I accidently trip on his long, spread out legs. Only to heaven that I swear, I should watch where I go very carefully even it is near.The instinctive yelp is suddenly muffled in thick atmosphere as I feel a warm skin comes in contact with my forearm and another is on my safely-clothed shoulder. A tuck of hair swipes onto my face and I can outline Xiumin’s face against the unclear vision of my hair. A surprise gasp gushes out of my mouth and he quickly let go of me. Xiumin is awkwardly rubbing his arm when he settles himself back to the seat.“Sorry.” He mutters, looking sheepish when he’s caught glancing. He looks so lost as if he is thinking, ‘what have I done just now?’With burning face, I turn to evilly innocent Ravi and kick his shin. I won’t let you go easily this time.  Such a trouble maker.