Tell Me You Love Me (1/1)

***Yesung has a very bad habit.  Well, it wasn’t a bad habit per se, just more or less a very exposing one.  He himself hardly registers the words that exit his throat.  His eyes would roll to the back of his eye sockets, head thrown back, trembling lips practically screaming.  He’s uncontrollable, at least he thinks.  He’s obviously not in the right mind when it happens because he’s clearly breaking the silent, unwritten contract.  According to that, their unhealthy relationship should have ended months ago.  They should’ve stopped seeing each other that way and gone back to square one: band mates.  But that was not the case.It was unknown to Yesung why, but Kibum didn’t mind.  He never brought it up.  When Yesung was pulling his hair out the next morning, cursing his pleasured brain to all high hell, Kibum leant over and kissed his temple.  The lead baritone looked at the younger as if he had grown a second head but Kibum nonchalantly walked out of the room, humming some unknown American tune.  It left him truly bewildered.  The first few times, Yesung thought maybe the actor had some sort of short term memory loss and would forget those three words left his lips.  But it’s been happening for at least a year now.  There was no way Kibum never heard them.  Yet he kissed Yesung’s forehead every morning, walked out of the room to take a shower and they would spend the rest of the day pretending.  It was rather strange.  At least to Yesung it was baffling.  Kibum seemed to know everything that happened and seemed to think it was all perfectly normal.  It shouldn’t be.During those hot sweaty summer nights, or chilly yet heated winter evenings, when they’re impossibly close and naked, Yesung pretends.  He pretends that all is well.  That the person he cherishes is holding him with some sort of genuine affection and adoration.  And even if it’s all just a play, started only to heal their own loneliness, he lives off of it.  He leeches off it and allows it to be the sliver of light that shines through dark grey, stormy clouds.   Even if it’s just an act, a grand production put on by the greatest of actors.  He loved every second of it and that’s probably where his bad habit stemmed from.You see, when Kim Jongwoon comes, spurred on by Kibum’s expert ministrations, he confesses to the person that owns his heart, buried deep inside him, “I love you.”***“Let’s break up.”“What?”“We weren’t ever together, were we? Let’s… Let’s just end this.”“Why…?  Why are you doing this?  I-I thought everything was fine.”“It isn’t fine.  I can’t keep doing this.”“We’ve done this for two fucking years already!  It’s fine!”“It’s not… It’s not, Kibum-ah…”And Kibum watches his precious Hyung crumble before his very eyes.  The strong pillar of Super Junior, the sturdy mountain that helped keep them together, was shattering.  He fell to his knees, eyes welling up with endless tears.  He choked up and his heart burned.  Everything in his chest felt like it was on fire, like someone had poured acid into the centre of his being.  He didn’t want this.  He didn’t want his pseudo paradise to end.  He wanted it to keep going on forever. If just the thought of separation brought him to a sobbing mess, actually initiating it was like torture flowing through his veins.“Hyung, please, you don’t want to end this.  I don’t want to end this.  Let’s forget this was ever mentioned and have some good old make up sex, okay?” Kibum knelt by the vulnerable man, lifting his chin gently, smiling a tiny smile that still managed to be blinding.  He didn’t understand.  He’d come back to the dorms, tired as hell but still willing.  He’d seen his treasured elder and favourite Hyung and immediately flown to his side, ravishing his pouty lips in an almost bruising kiss.  But then the lead vocalist had pushed him away, blushing and tearing and whispered three words that he never expected to hear.  Especially from the person who in the height of love making whispered three words that meant the total opposite of what he just said.“No, Kibum, no.  Please, don’t make this harder than it is… Please…” Yesung said, bottom lip trembling.  There were already uncontrollable rivulets of salty tears running down his adorably chubby cheeks and Kibum couldn’t take it.  It was so weird, so strange to be seeing this.  The headstrong, the persevering Kim Jongwoon looking so fragile and breakable.  It wasn’t natural.  It wasn’t normal.  This couldn’t be happening.  It had to be some dream.  Some horrible, horrible dream his mind had concocted out of pure sadism.“Yesung-hyung… I won’t let you break this off… We can’t.  We need each other.” Kibum cupped Yesung’s wet cheeks, trying to wipe the trails away.  But his hand just got slapped away, a sharp stinging pain only caused by tiny fingers.  He looked at the small male with absolute horror written in his eyes but only softened when he saw more and more tears flow endlessly. It hurt to be pushed away, but seeing Yesung like this – it hurt even more.  He may not feel the way the elder felt, but Yesung was precious.  In so many ways.  He had been so since practically day one with his pure smile and glowing eyes.  He was an important Hyung that took care of him in times of weakness, that indefinitely made him laugh, that cared way too much to be healthy.  The nature of their current relationship wasn’t the best but that didn’t change that he was dear.  Much more than dear.“Kibum…” Yesung whispered, whimpering as more wracked sobs exited his system.  He just couldn’t handle it all.  It was like ripping his heart apart, vein by vein, artery by artery.  His insides ached and this was truly the last thing he wanted, but it was also what he wanted most inside.  “Kibum-ah…” His fingers twitched, wanting to grip onto Kibum’s being, yearning to feel the fabric of his crisp shirt within his grasp.  He craved the comforting heat that was the young actor himself.  “Kibummie…” And slowly, every single beautiful memory, tainted or not, came back and the wave of sobs came back with a vengeance.  He loved every inch of Kibum.  From his commercial ready smile to his introverted personality.  And every memory was the most treasured thing he could ask for.  And today, he was going to disregard every single one of those moments and force them to break apart the only mildly romantic part of their relationship.  Because he couldn’t be lying to himself anymore and he couldn’t be holding Kibum back for his own selfish denials.  One day, it would fall back and hurt even more.  It was time.  It was past time but at least now, he was taking a step forward.  Something he hadn’t done for the longest time.  “Bummie… Please…”“Dammit Jongwoon, I won’t let you do this to me!  Even if it kills me, I won’t let you end us.” Because honestly, it breaks Kibum’s protected heart to hear Yesung call his name, his special nickname that was reserved for their nights together, with such a broken and sad voice.  Kibum grabbed his head, holding it firmly with two hands, forcing the crying elder to look at him straight in the eye, using his boxing strength to his advantage.  He knew he may have been a little rough, what with the way Yesung winced but could care less, looking more at flushing, wet cheeks.  And don’t even get him started on those beautiful chocolate coloured eyes.  Almond eyes were bloodshot, terribly red and welling up with more tears.  He was in so much pain and yet he was insisting that this separation should happen?  What was he thinking?“What ‘us’ is there, Bummie!?  We aren’t anything!  We’re just each other’s outlets for frustration!” Yesung practically screeched, his temper igniting beneath his sorrow.  He pushed viciously at the man he loved but to no avail.  If anything, Kibum had bulked up over his absence from Super Junior, piled together with his previously strong physique, Yesung could only hope.  Why couldn’t Kibum get it through his thick skull that he was sick and tired with this lie?  He was lying to himself and he was only causing grief for the younger.  And as much as he wanted to stay within Kibum’s strong and protective embrace in the late hours of the night, and the last thing he wanted was to be the actor’s burden.  “We’re just fuck buddies!”“And what’s wrong with that!?” Kibum yelled back, pushing Yesung strongly until he was lying down, back flat against the cold unforgiving wood of their dining room.  It was quite a heavy push, just to get the stubborn Yesung to bend to his will, but wasted no time to hastily crawl right on top of him, pinning his wrists beside his head.  Oh the irony of the situation.  This was a position they had taken up countless times during their heated nights of sex together.  And yet here they were, the elder firmly demanding they split up.  “Didn’t we agree that was what we were!?”Kibum couldn’t take it, he leant down, abusing Yesung’s lips with his own, trying to remind him through force what was between them.  It wasn’t love, it wasn’t lust, but it was care and concern.  But underneath the sincerity was physical need and he felt the need to embed it into him when he bit the elder’s bottom lip much too harshly.  Of course Yesung struggled, wincing at the rough treatment, but the only thing he could do was deny.  He shut his lips, as tight as he could, disallowing Kibum the entrance he yearned for.  The actor growled, pulling away, noticing the bleeding lip that the vocalist was now sporting. And instead of caring, like he should have if he were not anger induced, he just buried his face into Yesung’s neck, leaving a fierce bite in his wake, sucking until it was purple.  It was a sick mark of ownership, but Kibum adored it.  He lapped at it, drowning himself in the groans of pain that the elder let out.“Kibum stop!  Bummie, stop it please…” Yesung begged, pleaded, but to no avail.  Kibum just bit again, even harder than the last, so sharp that the petite elder knew that blood was drawn.  He couldn’t take this submissively.  No, he couldn’t.  He bit back a sob, not wanting to hurt the other boy, before drawing back his leg and kneeing Kibum harshly on the stomach.  It must have been immensely painful because the taller boy curled back, rolling onto his back, clutching his abdomen in agony.  Yesung immediately crawled to his side, looking at him with the most caring of eyes.  He cupped the younger’s face, holding it tenderly, completely devastated with the way his stunning mocha eyes were squeezed shut, scrunched up to try and subside the pain.  He felt infinitely guilty he had to cause the one he loved most such excruciating pain, both mentally and physically.  But this was for the best.  Really.  “B-Bummie, please listen to me.  We have to end this.  Now.  I can’t-”“You said you love me!” Kibum immediately shot up, pain forgotten with the possible tragedy at the horizon.  He wouldn’t ever let Yesung go.  Not with what they had built up.  Not with the utter dependency he had on him.  Not with the chance that Yesung could possibly be grieving for weeks after this.  He would never let it happen.  He’d die trying if he needed to.  “Every time we have sex, you profess how much you do!  Was that a lie, Jongwoon?” He growled, gripping Yesung’s shoulders as tightly as possible, his nails jabbing into his tender skin through the fabric of his shirt.  He barely registered the countless tears that followed, freefalling endlessly, spilling from beautiful almond eyes.  He didn’t want this to end because he loved him.  It was much too obvious.  “Of course it wasn’t!  Jongwoon, stop this now!  I know you love me, why are you doing this to yourself!?” Kibum quickly pulled Yesung into his embrace, hugging his waist, pushing the elder’s head into his shoulder.  But unfortunately, instead of returning it lovingly, Yesung kept his hands by his side, hands clenching to tiny fists.  The taller boy let out a humourless laugh, dry and painful. “You’re not going to tell me it was all a façade are you, Jongwoon? Don’t be ridiculous.”“I do love you, Bummie.  I well and truly do!” Yesung said, pushing Kibum away with all his might, succeeding in creating some air between the two, the actor still holding a firm grasp around his waist.  Yesung took a deep breath, coming out only shuddered and masked with tears, his heart tearing to pieces but he didn’t care.  He had to let Kibum in on the truth.  He should’ve started with it.  It was clearly the wrong decision to try and break it off without it.  “But that’s the problem, isn’t it Bummie?  We came into this thing, in full agreement that it was just sex.  That’s what it was.  Sex, no love, just sex.”Yesung took another breath, trying to collect his thoughts, trying to form them into sentences that wouldn’t leave him completely broken.  It hard though.  No matter what he said, being away from Kibum would only mean heartbreak.  The younger seemed to notice, opening his mouth to interject, possibly try and change his mind – but Yesung was adamant, placing a baby finger on his lips with a gentle care. “You’re an amazing dongsaeng, Kibum-ah.  The most wonderful I could ask for…” He held Kibum’s jaw in both his tiny hands, cupping it sweetly, almost like he wanted to kiss him.  “And that’s why I fell in love with you… So hard…” He sobbed some more, leaning his forehead against Kibum’s memorizing the feeling because this could very well be the very last time.  He wanted to remember every sensation that had ever happened between the two of them, photographing every moment.  “But I could never use your kindness to my advantage.”“What do you mean, Jongwoon?” Kibum wanted to slap him had he not been looking at him with the most watery of eyes.  His appearance was so disheveled, hair messy, lip swollen, neck bruised, and yet he still looked so beautiful and benevolent.  He was crying miserably yet looked on with such love and adoration.  It seemed so impossible yet Yesung pulled it off with perfection.  “You’re abusing my so called kindness by making me break up with you!”“You don’t love me, Kibum-ah.” Yesung said softly, looking down, completely disheartened as the words left his mouth.  He could hear Kibum gasp and knew he hit the nail dead on the head.  He’d known for much too long, it definitely wasn’t a surprise.  But deep inside, he’d always chanted to himself, whispering sweet nothings that Kibum just wasn’t saying it.  But in actuality, he wasn’t feeling it.  “And knowing you, you’d never find true love with me as baggage.  If we were true fuck buddies, you’d have no qualms about breaking up with me to pursue a genuine relationship…” Yesung bit his lip, unable to hold back the deafening sob that erupted with the thought of his next sentence.  But it had to be done.  Now.  Or he’d never get it done.  And he’d never be able to live with himself.  “But that’s not what this is anymore, is it?  Before you enter a relationship which you truly wish for, you’d think back to how hurt I would be, wouldn’t you Kibum-ah?  Because that’s the kind of person you are…  That’s the person I fell in love with…”Yesung leant forward, brushing his lips against Kibum’s for one last sweet kiss.  He’d cherish this taste forever.  The savoury, musky taste, tasting kind of bittersweet at points, unique to one Kim Kibum.  If autumn had a flavour, this would be it.  It tasted just like what love should taste like.  His favourite flavour. It would be something he missed dearly, something he’d yearn for on lonely nights, but it was something he must part with so that Kibum could live his life out fully.  He pulled away reluctantly, Kibum trying to follow him with his lips, hoping it was only a dream.  But Yesung just smiled sadly, shaking his head softly before crawling out of Kibum’s loose, shocked grasp.“I love you, Bummie.”And all Kibum received now was Yesung’s back, walking away from him on unsteady legs.  He could see his hands ferociously wiping at his face but the undeniable sobs were still there.  It was heartbreaking.  But that shouldn’t be possible, right?  He’d always locked away the rawest of emotions and the most vulnerable of feelings in tight box and safeguarded it viciously.  And yet it was breaking, cracking into a hundred million different pieces, forming sharp ridges at every corner, barely held together, some miniscule glass like shards even falling to the floor in agony.  The heart he had protected fiercely his entire life was aching in utter sadness, begging to be pieced back together to form some sort of semblance of what it used to be like without the cracks.  He heard Yesung’s bedroom door close and lock with a soft click but the only thing he registered was the wetness dripping down his own cheek.***“We broke up… I broke up with him, Kyuhyun-ah.” Yesung shut the door behind him locking it firmly, eyes still red and watering.  He didn’t know he had so many tears, they never wanted to stop.  The taller boy rushed to his side from his position on the bedside, hugging him tightly, knowing the elder’s legs would probably give out in a matter of seconds.  Yesung cried into his shoulder, letting out full throttled sobs, wailing in pain as his heart tore.  He clung to Kyuhyun’s shoulders, unable to control just how much it hurt. “Hyung, it’s okay… It was for the better…” Kyuhyun kissed the lead baritone’s hair, hoping to calm his grievances just a little.  But it was to no use.  The younger should know.  Losing the person you love was much too painful.  It was the most excruciating feeling in the world and near impossible to ever heal.  Of course Kyuhyun would know.  He’d been denied of the man he loved for two long years, knowing that his heart was truly owned by another that didn’t deserve it, another that couldn’t feel it much less recognise and acknowledge it.“I love him… I love him so much… Why did it have to be like this?” Yesung cried and cried and he could tell it was soaking Kyuhyun’s shirt but the younger didn’t seem to mind at all.  In actuality, it seemed like he was encouraging it.  He was patting his back, telling him to let it all out.  To continue his pitiful display of pain and suffering.  But he had to admit, the caring and doting sweet nothings that Kyuhyun’s smooth bass voice was providing was possibly the best comfort he could hope for right now.  Other than Kibum’s love.  But that was never going to happen so he was never going to stupidly hope.“Let’s get you to bed…” Kyuhyun whispered softly, almost so gently that Yesung had to wonder if it was Kyuhyun himself saying it.  The snarky maknae could be filled with such care and sincerity that it was baffling.  But he allowed himself to be led to his bed, walking on the shakiest of legs.  But Kyuhyun didn’t mind, he let the elder balance as much weight as possible on him until his back was laid fully on the bed.  Yesung’s tears had halted a little, but his sorrows were still very much present.  It was to be expected.  His grief would be present for a very long time.  It was concerning love, after all.“Stay with me, Kyuhyun-ah…” Yesung pleaded, holding onto Kyuhyun’s wrist.  The younger smiled at him, sitting on the bedside to stroke his messy hair lovingly, frowning at the purple marks that adorned his porcelain skin.  He promised to give Kibum a very nice black eye the next he saw him.  But for now, he needed to stay by Yesung and give him the comfort he needed.  Which in fact was a lot.  He would need a lot of support for the next few weeks and Kyuhyun was more than happy to oblige.  Closing his eyes, Yesung snuggled against Kyuhyun’s side, finding refuge in the soft warmth.  “I’ll miss him…” His voice was hoarse, much hoarser than usual and tainted with the evil of unrequited love.  “I’ll miss pretending he loved me…”***“Kibum, this is the fourth time in two months…”“I’m… I’m sorry, Manager-hyung.”The older man could only sigh, pulling the thermometer out of Kibum’s mouth.  A raging fever, that was for sure.  It was so strange.  Kibum was usually the example of healthy.  He barely ever sneezed.  But over the past six months, every other week the actor was coughing or bed ridden.  It was simply unexplainable.  Some sort of phenomenon.  And recently, he’d been getting fevers more often than not.  He’d wanted to rush him to hospital but the symptoms would clear up in a day or two and Kibum would be up and out of bed, auditioning for roles as if it all never happened.  The elder was starting to get worried, especially with the increase of both magnitude and frequency of these profound illnesses.  “I’m calling Jungsu.”And the irony almost kills Kibum with dry humour.  He remembered six months ago when he’d been struck with a sudden illness, he’d been almost excited when his manager had announced that very sentence.  Ever since their unexpected break up, Kibum had been jumping for an excuse to see Yesung.  And it wasn’t like he hadn’t tried the dorms.  He’d tried countless times.  Each and every time, turned away by one angry Cho Kyuhyun.  He’d been punched a few times too.  And it hurt.  Not only was Kyuhyun building up muscle but Siwon was like a tank.  He’d even been slapped a few times by a flustered Ryeowook and a teary eyed Donghae.  The dorms were a big no-no. So, getting sick was the best thing that ever happened to him.  He knew Yesung was much too caring and much too in love to not be worried.  He’d probably be worrying himself to death so of course he’d pay a visit.  Even if he wasn’t able to coerce the elder back into a relationship, he’d be more than satisfied with a fretting Yesung, eyes glazed with undying affection.  He’d missed him so dearly.  The soft caring touches, the gentle shy smiles, those brilliant glistening eyes… He’d been cut off from every single contact; he craved it to the point of starvation.  He needed it like a parched man needed water.  It was his lifeline at that point.  It was like he was at the end of the tunnel, a few steps away from the blinding light.But life had to disappoint him, didn’t it?  Because the only Hyung that hadn’t visited him was Yesung himself.  The shy elder was completely AWOL.  When asked, all members just awkwardly looked away, trying to find excuses to why he wasn’t present.  It took careful prying, but Kibum had managed to squeeze out hints to what had occurred.  Donghae and Ryeowook were rather easy to guilt.  They hadn’t spilled exactly what happened, but Kibum could piece two and two together and four was that their oh so beloved maknae locked the lead baritone in his room.  It wasn’t difficult to guess.  After all, other than Yesung, Kyuhyun was also the only one that didn’t visit. Kyuhyun was tenacious.  He’d give him that.  That guy was viciously protecting the elder as if Kibum was some disease that could kill him a second.  But coming from Kyuhyun’s standpoint, he probably was.  With how much he’d hurt Yesung, he wasn’t terribly surprised with the over protectiveness.  He could bet his whole career that the lead baritone would burst into helpless tears the moment he saw the actor.  His heart would probably never heal, not with the constant lying he had to do to himself.  Giving Yesung even the tiniest ray of hope that Kibum loved him was probably the worst thing.  He’d break even more and that was truly the last thing the second maknae hoped for.  The treatment he was receiving from the true maknae was only expected.  Especially with how close they’d gotten over the past few years.  Kibum suspected something else lying underneath but didn’t want to think about it, that only made his chest hurt in unexplainable pain.It, no matter how justifiable, was rather annoying.  No matter how many times he got sick, no matter how many times he was stuck in bed, no matter how many times Leeteuk had been called, the one he yearned for never arrived.  After the first few Yesung-less visits, he’d given up.  He missed him terribly, even without their sexual relationship in between.  Now, he’d rather not get his hopes up.  He’d rather his manager not inform his band mates of his profound sickness striking again.  He’d just be hopelessly anticipating for a certain awkward turtle to walk in with his bright eyes and shy smile.  And he didn’t really want to get disappointed again.“No, Hyung please, it’s fine… Don’t bother Teukie-hyung again…” Kibum mumbled, punctuated by heavy coughs.  He truly did feel sorry for Super Junior’s angel leader.  He always got notified whenever any member even sneezed.  He was just a worrywart like that and had made each manager make an oath that if something was even slightly wrong, that he know.  Leeteuk didn’t need more stress.  That and Kibum didn’t really want to fool himself into thinking that Yesung would come.“But Kibum-”“It’s okay, Manager-hyung.  I’ll inform Teukie-hyung later.  I know you’re busy.” Kibum turned in horror at the new voice that entered, thoroughly shocked at the lanky figure that now stood in his bedroom.  It was seriously the last person he’d ever expect.  Right after Yesung.  Shouldn’t he be cooing and taking care of the heartbroken elder?  Well, if Yesung was still heartbroken that is (which Kibum highly suspected he was).  He probably despised Kibum to his very core and yet this was reality and he was very real.“Oh, Kyuhyun-ah.” His manager turned to Kyuhyun, almost sighing from absolute relief.  He had a packed schedule today and couldn’t be stuck playing nurse.  And with Kibum’s reluctance to have one of the members come over and look after him, the situation was quickly looking grim for him.  He knew Super Junior’s schedule to the letter and knew Kyuhyun was free, which was more than convenient.  Kibum and Kyuhyun may not be the best of friends, but he’d have to do.  After all, it wasn’t like they would murder each other.  They were band mates after all.  “Other than informing Jungsu, could you also do me a favour and…”“Don’t worry Hyung, I’ll look after Kibum-ah.  You go and do what you have to do.” Kyuhyun said, throwing a plastic cheerful smile at the manager.  Kibum almost snorted at the way he ate up Kyuhyun’s false kindness.  The maknae was just trying to get rid of the manager.  Probably so he could murder the actor as brutally as possible without any witnesses.  It kind of sucked that his manager was his personal manager and didn’t really know Kyuhyun.  Maybe he wouldn’t have been fooled so easily.  And maybe Kibum wouldn’t be dead within the next few hours.“Really?  Thank God… Because I’m actually late for something right now.” The manager wiped his brow, patting Kyuhyun’s shoulder as he made his way to the door.  And since he wasn’t particularly looking at the maknae’s face, Kibum was rather surprised that the devil didn’t burst out into a wide conniving smirk.  He had successfully driven out Kibum’s only protection away.  Shouldn’t he be doing some victory dance?  “Please remind Kibum-ah to take his medicine.  And do tell Jungsu later on.  I gotta rush.” And with that he was gone.  The second maknae would have liked to not so kindly point out that he was a fully grown man and his manager did not need to put his schedules on hold to nurse him.  And he sure as hell didn’t need Cho Kyuhyun of all people taking care of him.“So what?  You going to kill me now?  Deck me again?” Kibum laughed dryly as Kyuhyun sat on the side of the bed.  It was really rather strange.  He still hadn’t broken out into his infamous sly smile.  Instead he was looking rather solemn, having dropped his obviously fake smile and glaring right at Kibum with an impossible amount of venom.  There was a long pregnant pause and it was silently killing Kibum.  Not that he would admit it.  But he seriously wanted to know what the hell the maknae was doing here.  He’d made it very, painfully clear that he never wanted to see the actor’s face ever again, lest Kibum wanted another bruise on his face.  So why in the world was he taking the initiative to see the person he hated with a passion?“Look, I don’t want to see you either.  I’d rather be at home playing some good old Starcraft and kicking some serious ass or better yet…” He paused for dramatic effect.  But actually it was just for torture.  Kibum got an idea of what the maknae was going to say but Kyuhyun decided to hold some silence to taunt the older.  Make him wonder if he would really say it.  But He was Cho Kyuhyun.  Of course he would say it.  Not only was it the truth but also something that would undoubtedly make Kibum’s heart hurt.  After all the pain he caused  (and was still causing) a certain lead vocalist, this tiny stab was rather insignificant and deserved.  “…holding my sweet Yesungie in my arms.”“Your Yesung?  What are you?  Lovers?” Kibum snorted, the very idea absolutely ridiculous, he almost burst out laughing from the very thought. This was Yesung they were talking about.  He and Kyuhyun may be impossibly close but it was not an unknown fact that his heart was forever locked in Kibum’s eternal grasp.  That was at least what he understood during their relationship.  And what he wanted to always believe.  He may have not expected to be able to hold such a precious thing in his very hands, much less crush it unknowingly, but he had a certain addiction to having it in his possession.  No one could touch it much less own it the way he did.“Actually, we are.  About two months after you broke up, he gave me a chance and a month later he accepted me as his full fledged boyfriend.” Kyuhyun said, completely serious, his eyes telling Kibum that this clearly wasn’t some joke or maniacal plan on his part.  Kibum looked like someone had told him the apocalypse was happening today within five minutes or something.  His whole face drained of colour, like every regret he had ever had in his entire life was coming back to him and he had a million things to do before the world’s doom.  He looked crumbled, his everything shattering in a matter of silent moments.  The only memento he clutched so dearly to his heart was ripped from his fingers and now held in the unyielding hands of one Cho Kyuhyun.  “How does it feel?  To know that what was once yours is mine now.”“Fuck you…” He whispered softly, so softly that he didn’t really hear the uncontrollable anger that was underlying every single letter.  There was venom interlaced with every breath that he managed to heave out and he was rather surprised he didn’t strangle the maknae on the spot.  He was tempted to.  At least then he’d have one less rival.  Vigour returned to his voice and practically yelled, his rage coming out in sound, “Fuck you Cho Kyuhyun!  He’s mine!  His heart is mine!  You can’t have him!”“And what right do you have to claim him as yours?  Because you never gave him your heart in return for his?  Because you broke him?” Kyuhyun growled with an anger Kibum never knew he had.  The maknae was so playful, so cool and calculative.  He was not rash and definitely not the truly fuming type.  But here he was, grabbing Kibum’s collar and shaking him, eyes bloodshot with rage.  It was a rawness he never knew existed.  But slowly that energy faded, his hands shaking as unseen tears welled up in his impossibly large doe like eyes.  His fingers were white and his cheeks were flushed, his face was pale and his shoulders were trembling.  He fell to the floor on weak knees, releasing the grip he had on the older male and covering his face with his hands.  He wasn’t sobbing but instead looked like a man dying.  Kibum had never seen someone quite so broken.  “Why does he have to love you of all people?”“He still loves me…?  But you two are…” Kibum didn’t even know he was crying.  He didn’t know when he had started.  There were tears all the way down to his chin so obviously he had been doing so for at least a few minutes.  But why should he cry?  Everything romantic between him and Yesung was over.  He’d gotten over the tears six months ago during their devastating break up.  Why… Why was he crying now? He shouldn’t still care.  Yet he did.  He cared enough to let a heart wrenching sob wrack his throat.  He cared enough to crumble and break.  He cared enough to let his already wounded heart, shatter into an infinite amount of pieces.  He fooled himself regularly that Yesung’s heart was still his but he knew… he knew that the elder could move on.  The very thought was excruciating but he learnt the true meaning of blissful ignorance.  But it was easy to see – Yesung could have Kyuhyun.  His heart could be given to someone else. “Yes, you retard, he still fucking loves you!” Kyuhyun wailed, voice laden with unshed tears.  He couldn’t break down now.  Not now after all this time. He’d shed his tears years ago when he’d first realised that the person he was in love with had his heart taken by someone that didn’t deserve it.  He was even able to hold onto Yesung.  He was able to kiss him and hold him and make love to him.  But that wasn’t enough.  Because for a man in love, having all the selfish wants wasn’t enough.  Yesung’s happiness would be the only thing to keep his insatiable love content.  Or at least more content than he was now.  It hurt too much to see Yesung breaking more and more each passing day.  And Kyuhyun could only watch, helpless to stop anything. “Fuck you Kim Kibum, he still loves you.  Every inch of you!  He doesn’t know but every time we have sex he calls out your name.  Never once has he ever cried out for me.”“That’s impossible… Hyung… Hyung can’t possibly still love me.” Kibum whispered, knowing that the odds were most likely against him.  He didn’t want a small sliver of hope to present itself to him.  Then he’d start having all kinds of baseless wishes again.  He wouldn’t allow it.  He couldn’t take it. He was already breaking thanks to the terrible break up between him and Yesung.  Then came the two straight months of hoping to mend itself.  Yes, he hadn’t really moved on.  He still fooled himself but he knew deep down inside.  A kind of dramatic irony.  But he wouldn’t let himself hope for something that could actually exist again.  Yesung made it clear that they wouldn’t work out.  Maybe, just maybe, the precious elder would find happiness with the maknae.  Because apparently happiness was not in the actor’s arms.  “I don’t even know why you’re here.  Shouldn’t you be having the time of your life with Yesung-hyung?”“You know, even though he says he loves me, he doesn’t.  It almost hurts to see him trying to find it in him to.” Kyuhyun said frankly, somehow finding the strength to look up from his crumpled position, eyes red yet no tear streaks adorned his cheeks. He bit his lip to contain the impending sobs.  It hurt.  It hurt so much.  The truth was like a harsh slap to the face.  Sometimes he wished he could return back to the safe haven that was called ignorance.  But he couldn’t regress like that.  And it was after all those months in denial that allowed Kyuhyun to realise this was probably the exact heartbreak Yesung had to endure. “And there’s no point for me to hold onto him if he doesn’t.” He chuckled bitterly because all he wanted was to continue holding onto him.  He wanted to suffocate him in his grasp, never let go, never share.  But that would never make Yesung happy, would it? “He’s still broken and he still loves you.  He needs you.  Not me.  So, I’m giving you one chance… Just… Just make him happy.”“You really love him…” Kibum said simply in perpetual shock.  He wasn’t really expecting that the evil maknae of all people would be giving him this speech.  If anything, he thought Yesung was probably some crush to Kyuhyun.  But no.  It was all but evident in the broken fond look in his eyes.  Kyuhyun was irrevocably in love.  It was a painful unrequited love, but true love nonetheless.“No shit Sherlock.  But no matter how many times I tell him, it does nothing.” Kyuhyun sighed, his silent sorrows coming out in words, finally.  He’d never gotten to vent at anyone.  Because he didn’t have the heart not to tremble and break at the very thought of voicing it out.  He’d smiled at Yesung like it didn’t hurt when the lead baritone’s returning smile didn’t reach his eyes.  He could only pretend he was happy.  Because if he gave Yesung any indication of the pain he was subjecting himself to then the elder would only break even more.That’s where Kibum came in.  Oh Kibum.  The actor with the blinding smile and impossible charm.  The one that Yesung had fallen completely head over heels for.  It was terrible to know that your lover was in love with someone else.  Especially someone that didn’t appreciate them enough when they had them.  But Kyuhyun had no choice in this situation.  The love of his life didn’t love him.  That was irreversible.  It was the type of love that never wavered, never budged, always constant and growing for the same person. So there was only one route to true happiness. And that path wasn’t with Kyuhyun. It was with someone entirely different.  And even if that was the only option, he would not allow Kibum to take him again if he was just fucking around again. Yesung was better off in reality with Kyuhyun and unhappy than in a heartbreaking illusion with Kibum.“But here’s the real question… Do you love him?”***It had been two weeks.  Two heart wrenching, excruciatingly slow weeks.  Yesung wondered how they had even survived two days, much less fourteen.  It was terribly tense and obscenely painful.  They side stepped and averted their eyes, beat around the bush and stuttered in each other’s presences. And even now, a full fortnight later, they were still extremely awkward.    Yesung was almost counting the seconds until they could go back to talking like best friends and laughing like brothers.  He’d even give the whole world to be able to kiss under the moonlight like lovers.  He would admit he was not well and truly in love but he would rather that relationship than this.  He’d lost a precious dongsaeng in his heartbreak.  He couldn’t let go and now he had caused irreversible damage.  What he wouldn’t give to turn back time.“Jongwoon-ah… Come on, we’re home.” Leeteuk called softly, breaking the younger out of his reverie.  The angelic leader had been awfully worried for their lead baritone for at least a week now.  He looked so down.  Back when he broke up with Kibum, at least Kyuhyun was there to comfort him at any given time. Now, the maknae was avoiding him like the plague and none of the band members could comprehend it.  They knew that the two of them were in some sort of relationship for the past few months but had never come out with it.  Leeteuk could only assume the worst in this situation.  And after a long, heartfelt talk with Kyuhyun, he got a vague idea of what was happening.  He was waiting for someone to do something, but apparently that wasn’t happening.  The maknae was leaving up to someone else to make the first move, but the other was apparently too unsure and much too confused to even try. “Woonie, let’s go.”Leeteuk grabbed Yesung’s small baby hand and pulled him out of the van, guiding him gently.  The vocalist looked positively disheartened and the least Leeteuk could do was lighten his spirits, if only a little.  Sometimes he felt like he neglected Yesung, what with so many dongsaengs to worry about.  The younger boy also seemed to be more than able at babying the kids of their little family and Leeteuk sometimes forgot that maybe Yesung needed some tender loving care too.  He seemed to bottle everything up so seamlessly that his troubles were masked by a deceiving false smile.  He had mastered the art of smiling all the way to his eyes, even when he was completely filled with sorrow.The leader really needed to work on getting Yesung to voice out his worries so that he could mother him properly.  Perhaps the burden of helping lift some weight off Leeteuk’s shoulders, as his duty as the fourth oldest seemed to be, was taking a large toll on him.“Oh, stop pouting you big headed baby.  Otherwise I’ll have to get Wookie to buy some chocolate ice cream and sit through some sappy romance movie marathon with you.” Leeteuk chuckled, almost cheering at the little victory that was getting a tiny smile out.  He could only hope and pray it was genuine.  He confirmed it when a slight giggle escaped Yesung’s lips, his eyes sparkling in gratefulness.  “Now, let’s hurry up.  I’m sure dinner is waiting for us.” It was already quite late and Leeteuk could only expect for food sitting in the microwave.  All the other members had probably eaten.  Hopefully the other members hadn’t gobbled up more than they could swallow and left them only measly scraps.  If they did, Leeteuk had to prepare a lecture.  Their hungry dongsaengs couldn’t just leave tiny leftovers for Hyungs.  Especially since they took such good care of them.  “And you know, Ryeowook and Sungmin even made spaghetti.  God, hurry up so I can eat.”“Thank you, Jungsu-hyung.” Yesung whispered, smile widening by a small fraction.  Leeteuk could only smile at the way warm baby fingers curled around his hand.  There was just something about Yesung’s hands that made every member want to hold them.  So warm and tiny, fitting perfectly into anyone’s.  He squeezed tighter, wishing and praying to any and everyone that this precious dongsaeng would feel better soon.  It was quite terrible, all the awful thoughts that would plague his mind.  Leeteuk was so upset that he could only do so much to help the kind hearted boy.“Anything for you, Jongwoon.” Leeteuk smiled, dimples showing, expression brightening when he saw a familiar cheerful glitter appearing in Yesung’s eyes.  There were very rare occasions these past few months that that glint of true happiness would appear in Yesung’s features.  Leeteuk would work hard to drag out millions of moments for it to appear, until the lead baritone was well and truly joyful again.  It was quite gloomy without their usual overly touchy, weird, undeniably sweet and awkward turtle lover.  It was his job as leader to fix this as soon as possible.  He unlocked the front door to the 11th floor dorm with a new mission in mind.  “Go in and have some dinner.  And remember to have a shower afterwards.”“Yes, Umma.” Yesung sang somewhat playfully, reaching up to kiss the older man on the cheek as a form of thanks.  Leeteuk had definitely waited too long.  He needed to fix this.  He couldn’t stand that a usually talkative, cheerful dongsaeng was just so down in the dumps and he didn’t lift a finger to do anything.  He let the situation play out, watching from the sidelines, making it reach this kind of disaster.  Where was the Yesung that would smile so easily, play with anyone, slap dongsaengs in jest and wouldn’t stop touching any of the other members?  Lost.  And Leeteuk needed to find him immediately.  Yesung was halfway through to the living room when he realised Leeteuk wasn’t following.  “Hyung?”“I just need to make a phone call.  Go and eat dinner first.” Leeteuk smiled, nodding at Yesung’s cute confused tilted head.  The younger stood still for a few moments before following the order and entering the dorm fully.  Once Yesung was completely out of sight, Leeteuk let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.  He was getting this mess sorted out tonight.  Kyuhyun had already done what he could, all that his poor heart could take.  The leader was going to bring this whole drama to a finale.  And if that meant dragging one indecisive maknae by his ear, then for goodness sake he was going to do it.Kim Kibum was going to get his ass to the dorm now or there would be murder.***What was he doing?  He was a fully grown man.  He was not a school girl waiting to give his all time crush a mushy love letter.  He was doing a very simple task. The powerful four letter word was thrown around like it meant nothing, he could easily say it, right?  He should not be getting clammy hands, a clumsy tongue and be breaking out into a sweat dammit. Okay, he wasn’t totally one hundred per cent sure of himself but he was at least about ninety-five per cent there.  It obviously couldn’t take a lot.  He could embrace attractive actresses, kiss them and say the same three words.  It shouldn’t be so difficult to repeat the process with a male that he had held in his arms countless times.  Well, it shouldn’t have been this hard.  He could barely breathe and his legs refused to move.  There had to be something he just wasn’t doing right.“Oh, Kibum-ah.” Siwon ushered him in, looking quite bewildered.  The younger man hadn’t stepped into the 11th storey dorm since Siwon decked him.  Perhaps it wasn’t totally necessary to give him a bruise, but it definitely made the Christian boy feel a hell of a lot better.  His favourite Hyung had been absolutely depressed for weeks and the only person that should take responsibility was the heartbreaker himself.  He was sure he had scared the actor off for at least a couple of years.  He was surprised he didn’t dislocate Kibum’s jaw with the force of his punch.“H-Hyung…” Kibum stuttered, still feeling a little intimidated by the man that was Choi Siwon.  The guy could break him in two at a second’s notice and currently he was treading on dangerously thin ice that could crack and shatter with just a milligram of weight.  He had already broken Yesung’s heart, who’s to say Siwon wouldn’t be the overly protective dongsaeng he was and blockade him from seeing the lead baritone ever again.  He wanted to fix his mistakes.  It had taken Kyuhyun breaking down and a strict yet heartfelt lecture with Leeteuk to stumble his way over to the dorm.  He wanted to at least try to mend what he had destroyed.  Or at least do it the right way.  “I-I…”“I know.  Leeteuk-hyung told me.  He called me over because if you break Yesungie-hyung’s heart again he needs someone to break your bones.” Siwon said simply, almost as if he wasn’t threatening to murder Kibum himself.  And even if his stance was casual, his eyes and voice held more than enough threat.  They were venom laden and brought whole new meaning to ‘if looks could kill’.  It was more like ‘if looks could skin, torture and decapitate’.  “Look, he’s in the shower now.  You can go talk to him if you want.  I don’t know if he’d appreciate you walking in on him but I’m sure you’ve seen plenty of him already.”“I… I’ll go talk to him.  It’s better that he doesn’t expect it.” Kibum said soundly, trying to calm himself down.  His rapid beating heart wasn’t helping and the prospect of seeing Yesung again was nerve racking.  Especially since he hadn’t seen his bare lithe body for more than six months.  “Thanks Siwon-hyung.”“If you break his heart again I’ll rip you apart.”***“Siwonnie!  I’m in the shower, I already called dibbs!” Yesung called from within the hot shower, hearing the door open.  He could barely see the tall dongsaeng from behind the foggy glass of the shower.  But he better not be acting like an idiot again, as he always did.  He would admit that the large male’s somewhat comical idiocy did help him feel better at times though.  There was an uncomfortable and unusual silence that followed and Yesung couldn’t help but wonder why. “Hyung…  Hyung, it’s me.” He knew that voice.  He knew it all too well.  It haunted him the sweetest of dreams and worst of nightmares.  He yearned for it, wished for it at all times of the day.  There wasn’t one moment he wouldn’t let his mind drift to that voice with the handsomest of faces to accompany it.  He loved it.  He never stopped loving it.  It was what lulled him to sleep on those nights they spent together and he missed it.  It had been missing from his life for months.  No… Missing was the wrong word.  He purposely barricaded the owner from his life.  Because that voice was all too beautiful, all too tempting of a time he both did and didn’t want to return to.“I-I don’t want to talk to you.  I don’t want to see you, Kibum-ah.  Please… please go.” Yesung whimpered from inside the shower stall, the pitter patter of the shower water drowning out the sorrow hidden in his voice.  Six months was too short.  It was half a year later and he still couldn’t face the other man without almost bursting into tears.  At least the hot water would hide his tears if it did come to that. “Please.”“Hyung, I just want to talk.  You don’t have to forgive me… God… I just…” Kibum cursed in his head, where had that four page long speech that he had memorised before coming over gone?  It was completely gone and he had no idea what to say.  “Hyung… I don’t even forgive myself for what I did… How could I lead you on like that?”He chuckled dryly to himself, remembering every single little mistake he made.  He watched as his precious person cried out everlasting love, meaning it every time.  And what did he do?  He refused to acknowledge it.  He pretended such an event never happened and ignored the growing feelings his Hyung was tormented with.  He neglected them and continued as if they didn’t exist.  Deep down inside, maybe there was always something there.  That something that made Kibum desperate to hold onto Yesung forever, keep him in his arms forever, even if it meant having a pseudo relationship that consisted of only sex.  And in his ignorance he didn’t recognise it.“Can… Can I just sit here and talk to you?  I don’t even need a response.  I just want to be near you… And let you know how much of an idiot I am…” Kibum looked hopefully at the fogged up glass door, seeing the figure of an amazing man that he had hurt.  It was still, unmoving under the torrent of hot water.  Yet even in such a situation he was painfully gorgeous.  Every feature and curve was visible in the dim silhouette and Kibum only wished to rip open the door to see his beautiful face.  Those almond eyes, pouty lips, chubby cheeks, button nose… Anything and everything.“D-Do what you wish… I could never stop you.” Yesung said, eyes downcast, cursing his weak will.  He had crumbled easily.  He had promised himself to never let that happen.  To never let himself fall to the torturous cycle once again.  Maybe… maybe it was okay to cave this once.  To drown in Kibum’s voice this one last time.  He’d listen to that melodious tune that he couldn’t get enough of, listen to whatever the second maknae had in mind.  And then that would be the end.  The true end.  He hoped this wouldn’t end up as another broken promise, one that he couldn’t keep because of one man that he loved with all his heart.“I don’t know where to start, Hyung.  I… I’m sorry.” Kibum began, crossing his arms.  It was as good a place to start.  Simple was best.  Especially when his mind was well and truly blank.  Perhaps letting his heart having free reign over his mouth would be the best choice.  It would get the truth out and he wouldn’t have such a headache trying to think of what to say.  “You… You know Hyung, you’ve always been my favourite Hyung.”Well, that was a crappy thing to say.  Especially when he saw Yesung tense up.  He was really bad with words.  That was why he preferred those quiet afternoons when they just sat side by side… And perhaps that was the way to go.  To pour his heart out, and reminisce the exceptionally good times.  It was only a while ago and yet it seemed like a distant memory.“I’ve always been more comfortable with you.  You hugged me when I was upset or tired and always cared.  You always put others first, I’ve never known someone so selfless.  It’s amazing that I could have you, even if it was only a few years, Yesungie-hyung.” Kibum whispered, feeling himself tear up.  Remembering those happy times, remembering when they laughed together, stayed up late together, close as possible.  “But you know what I miss most, Hyung?  I miss sitting with you all afternoon, in our spot.  You know?  On the bed, side by side.  Completely quiet. Sometimes we’d read, or just enjoy being pressed up shoulder to shoulder.  And sometimes you’d lean your head on my shoulder and I’d stroke your hair.  And other times we’d giggle about stupid things or talk about everything under the sun.  I miss that so much.  I miss you.”“W-What’s your point?” Yesung asked timidly, tears already rolling down his cheeks as he remembered those very days.  Sometimes hot, sometimes cold.  Sometimes they’d fan themselves, sweating, other times snuggling under a warm blanket with hot chocolate.  Sometimes there’d be a beautiful sunset to watch and others they would stay up until the moon was up in the sky, falling asleep in each other’s arms.  He didn’t want to go back to those times.  They existed so close to his heart, the moments when he truly fell in love with Kibum.  And they were what continued even with all the sex, Yesung’s feelings growing exponentially.“It took both the maknae and the leader slapping some verbal sense in me to get me here.  And even then I wasn’t sure… I mean I could only hurt you with my unreciprocated feelings.” Kibum mumbled and he heard Yesung choke.  No.  No.  This was the last thing he wanted.  He didn’t want Yesung to start bawling.  But obviously such a reminder was still very tender.  “But now you’re close enough to touch… You’re… You’re just behind this glass door.” Kibum reached forward, brushing his fingers against the fogged glass.  He looked at the silhouette with pleading eyes, pouring everything from his icy heart out into a steamy confession.  Something he didn’t think were possible for his rather introverted self.  “I want to touch you.  Hold you.  Never let you go.  How could I ever forget, Hyung?  That you were the one I always wanted close to me.  That whenever I need someone, it’s you.  That probably ever since the beginning when you smiled that sweet smile of yours, I was already long gone.  Seeing you now, remembering those perfect days together… I just can’t believe it.”“K-Kibum-ah, please don’t… I-” Yesung stammered quickly.  His heart wouldn’t take it.  It was probably some ploy by the other members to get him to cheer up.  Anything but this, please.  He’d be happier, honest.  Just not this.  This hope that couldn’t possibly exist… he wouldn’t last a second.  He’d cave and crawl right back into Kibum’s arms.  But no!  He couldn’t be selfish.  He decided this months ago.  Kibum had his own life to live, not burdened by some needy Hyung.“I love you.  I love you, Hyung.”“No!  No, Kibum, you don’t.” Yesung cried, unable to handle the emotional turmoil.  He didn’t want this boundless pity.  He didn’t want Kibum to be held down by Yesung’s selfish desires.  It was too much already.  “I’m just a Hyung to you, Kibum-ah.  A sexual release at times, at the most.  You can’t love me. You haven’t loved me all these years, you don’t love me now.”“Why?  Why do you think that way, Hyung?  You’ve always been special to me, regardless.  Now I’m simply putting a name to why.” Kibum said in frustration, placing both his hands on the glass door, resisting the extremely tempting urge to push it open.  He curled his fingers, shoulders slumping, “Please Hyung… I’m sorry it took me so long.  I’m sorry I’m such an idiotic dongsaeng.” He bit his lip as he considered the worst: rejection. What if they were all wrong and Yesung really had moved on?  What if his heart had drifted, into the clutches of another?  “Please… I’m trying Hyung.  I really am.  And I really do love you.”“Whoever set you up… Tell them to quit.  I can’t do this to either you or Kyuhyun.” Yesung growled, voice still soaked in tears.  He thought he ran out of tears six months ago.  Apparently not as they seemed to plentiful.  Just thinking about the destroyed relationship between him and the maknae burned painfully.  The younger boy had tried his best to work at it but Yesung just couldn’t move on.  Even if Kibum was sincere, which the elder highly doubted, it wouldn’t be fair to Kyuhyun.  He couldn’t just move on when Kibum came back.“Kyuhyun knows…  He wants you to be happy, Hyung.  He broke up with you because he said he couldn’t stand hurting you.  He doesn’t want to chain you to him when you don’t love him.  He doesn’t want you to have to do what I did.” Kibum said steadily, remembering the conversation he and the maknae had had a few weeks ago.  Apparently Kyuhyun had been planning a break for a while, in hopes that Kibum could make the lead baritone truly happy.  “He… he came to talk to me two weeks ago.”  Kibum gulped, unsure if he should release certain pieces of knowledge, “He… He’s ignoring you so you won’t feel guilty.”“Kyu… Kyu did that?” Yesung felt more tears rise up, hurting his heart even more.  How could he?  How could he hurt his precious dongsaeng so much?  Had he broken him?  It… It was unbelievable.  He knew that under the evil guise, there was a heart of true, rich gold.  But so selfless and pure a heart seemed to be impossible.  And he had damaged that beautiful person.  That person that loved him despite his flaws.  How could he?  “How could I do that to him?”“He loves you, Hyung.  So much.  I know why and I know the feeling.” Kibum said, taking a deep breath as he collected his thoughts.  “And he wants you to be happy.  I want you to be happy.” He’d do anything for Yesung.  Anything.  As long as he saw that beautiful smile break out on those perfect lips.  “We both want to see you truly happy.” He took a very long gulp, sucking in a breath that could’ve taken up half the air in the bathroom.  Whatever Yesung said could either break him into deep depression or make him the happiest man alive.  But whatever Yesung wanted, it was to be granted.  Kibum would assure it.  He’d even be agreeable if Yesung professed everlasting love to Siwon.  “I don’t care who you choose, Hyung.  I love you and I never want to let you go.  But if being happy is with Kyuhyun then go and be happy with him.” He could feel tears burning at the back of his eyes, the very prospect heartbreaking.  Seeing Yesung in the arms of giggling at something only the two of them knew.  But that would be the person that made him happy and that was all that ever really mattered.  “It… it’s your choice, Yesungie.”He turned to walk away, give the elder some breathing space.  It was probably overwhelming.  Having some much suffocating, endless love.  He just hoped his sincerity had filtered through to Yesung, letting him feel the true love that coursed through his veins.  He was practically breathing the feeling, after the realisation.  And the sad reality that he might never have those lovely afternoons spent holding each other hit him hard.  But it was Yesung.  Yesung deserved the world and all things wonderful. “K-Kibum-ah!”It was a gamble, calling out, hoping that the second maknae wouldn’t leave.  Through the fog he could see those gorgeous mocha eyes, glistening with an emotion that he never thought would shimmer in them.  They shone through like a lighthouse in the darkest of nights.  And Yesung regretted all the pain that was also reflected in those deep brown eyes.  It made him want to fling the door open and plead Kibum back to his arms.  But here was the real test.  Even if his eyes spoke of something, his actions may not.  His mouth may spout words of deceiving beauty, but his body would never betray him. With the next three words, eight letters, that exited his mouth, the shower door was flung open.  His cheeks blooming bright red at the charming smile present on his lips.  Kibum did the only thing he could think of.  He kissed the older male senseless.  He pinned him to the wall, uncaring of his clothes that were getting drenched, kissing him sweetly yet ravenously.  All kinds of feelings were present as he explored the cavern lovingly, stroking every contour as if to memorise it thoroughly.  He rested his hand on the familiar curve of Yesung’s bottom, the other stroking his wet, bare back.  It was immediately reciprocated, small baby hands running through his jet black hair, almond eyes closed as they relished the contact they had been deprived of.  And when they separated, Yesung pressed his lips against Kibum’s collar and whispered the same words he had professed just seconds ago.“I love you.”***Oh God… Unnie, I am very sorry for destroying your OTP.  I tried not too T.T but my crappy writing decided against it… Sorry.  And I’m super sorry for being so late!! (Two months, OMG what have I done)Anyway, I know I’m really late but…Happy birthday (blueicecreamxo) Viola-unnie!!  I hope this 10K monster makes up for the lateness!! So, I just wanted to say, you’re a very special Unnie to me and I hope you know that.  I hope this year brings wonderful things for you.  I’m glad I got to know you and you’ll always have a certain spot in my heart.  You were my first Unnie and are my PFFT (omg LOL did we forget about this?) and my forever bottom Yesung buddy (which no one is anymore these days >.> Jeez) and I think without you I wouldn’t be writing (I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing XD).  Anyway, your stories are beautiful and awesome and I can never get enough of them.  I once again wish you all the best of wishes and I love you <3 <3 <3 And I’m sorry this fic is just so terrible and awkward even though it was for your birthday T.T Please forgive me.Love you,Your  dongsaeng – LeannPS. Did you notice that I snuck in ninja!YeTeuk and ninja!YeWon :PWord Count: 10 677