Fate (1/1)

Hyukjae’s POV Loving him is the best things I have ever done as long as I life.Loving him is the most perfect things in this world.I never realized before that he had so much affect with my life.Yes, that’s true…Regret always comes too late…If I knew that I would lose him like that, I wouldn’t let him go even though just 1 mm from my embrace.But, thanks to him… finally I realized how much I love him.I can’t deny it anymore, I can’t think about my ego again.Bullshit about my ego, he’s more important for me.If people want to judge me, just judge me. I don’t care at all.If people want to call me faggot or whatever they want to say, whatever!I really don’t care anything now. I only care about my love, my Donghae.I have spent 2 years with him in bed and I watched him from my seat.I was happy to see his face, he’s beautiful. He is an angel, a pure angel that was sent to me.But I really miss his voice…I miss how he called my name, how he spoke to me, how he mumbled my name in his sleep.I miss his smile…I miss how he always smiled widely, even though I have been hurt his feelings.I miss his childish behavior, annoying behavior, but somehow, I love it.I miss how he protected me.I miss how he always woke me up, made breakfast and coffee for me.I can’t say how much I miss him, because my heart is full of him.Here I’m now, sitting near him, holding his cold hands, caressing his milky cheeks, watching him sleeping.He has been waiting me for 20 years. It’s not difficult for me to wait him, even though it’s more than 20 years right?‘Donghae… How are you today? Today I still love you, and when you wake up, you have to remember that you love me too, ok?’ I smiled and kissed his forehead.‘Hae… You know? My mother kept asking me when I want to get married. I just said that I will marry as soon as you wake up. So, please wake up soon. I’m dying to have you forever in my arms Donghae.’ I didn’t realize that I was crying.‘Donghae… Please forgive me. I was such a bastard, but now I know how stupid I was back then. Your punishment for me is enough, so please wake up now. I can’t say any apologize, because any words that come out from my mouth are useless. I need you to see me, pleading, saying tons of sorry, begging, anything, as long as you can forgive me. Forgive my ignorance, forgive my behavior that like shit, and forgive my behavior that always makes you sad.’I said those words when looking down.Even though I knew that Donghae couldn’t hear me or see me, but still… I couldn’t make him see my ugly crying face.‘Please wake up and start a new life. I will anything for you… anything…’I kept holding his hands and let his hands full of my tears.‘I’m sorry. It’s breaking my heart to see you like this. If I can, I will change our place. If ‘Secret Garden’ drama really exists, I will make sure that you’re alive and I’m in this bed now.’‘You have been sleeping to long Donghae. Don’t you get tired? Just wake up and I will do everything for you.’‘Pabo…’‘Yes, I know I’m stupid. If that so, please wakes up now!’‘Pabo monkey…’‘I know that too. I’m monkey and you’re fish! Don’t you miss that nickname?’‘Can’t you lift your face and call the doctor?’‘Why I have to?’ I lift my head and that’s my angel.Opened his eyes and smiled to me widely.‘Eww… My hands are dirty because of you tears and snot.’I slapped my cheeks severally, but my angel kept appearing in front of me.Ok, I’m insane now!‘Hyukjae, can’t you stop slapping yourself and call the doctor? Don’t you think they have to check me?’ He asked me. My angel talked to me.‘Hyukjaaeee….’He waved his hands in front of my face and I didn’t move a bit.‘Aish! Lee Hyukjae, please wake up!!!!!!’ He yelled at me and I finally came back to world.I run from the room and desperately call the doctor.‘DOCTOR! MY ANGEL, I MEAN MY BOYFRIE… OH NO! LEE DONGHAE! He has wakened up from his coma!’The doctors run as fast as they could inside the room.I can’t come because they didn’t let me.‘Lee Hyukjae, can I talk with you?’ Finally the doctor came out from his room.‘Yes.’‘Follow me.’ He brought me to his office and let me sit.‘He is ok right? When he can go home?’ I asked with full of excitement.‘Please calm down sir. I have two news, good and bad. Which one do you prefer?’‘Bad one.’‘His head collided very hard when he had accident back then. This is not the usual type of memory loss, but he has just forgotten a bad thing, all the memories that made him hurt, he forgets it. He's just remembering what he considers happy. He does not even know why he accident, because he did not want to remember the bad things. He has forgotten all the bad things in his life and lives only in the memories of the happiness he experienced.’‘So? What’s wrong with that? It’s good right?’ I asked the doctor.‘No, it’s really terrible. Because he just wanted to remember his happiness, he can not accept the bad things. His memory will return slowly and that's the worst. The memories that he wants to forget really badly, came back again as it want to haunt him.’‘And then?’‘If he was not strong, he could just be crazy.’‘WHAT?’‘Yes, pain, hurt, sadness, anger, revenge, everything. All of which had been buried by him during this time, and he thinks that he successfully make the go away, come back again. When the bad memories return to him, it would be much worse. A thousand times worse!’‘So? What should I do?’‘You have to make sure when the time he remembers his memories, you have to explain to him the actually fact. Don’t ever lie to him! Because when his memories really come back, and he knows that you’re lying to him, you can’t imagine what things that he can do.’‘Ok! Actually, your explanations make me confusing.’‘The point is, we should always be around him. Let go and let him remember the bad things alone, just the same you kill him slowly. He is not a patient of amnesia, but rather mental. He was hurt too much in a previous life.’I couldn’t say anything. He became like this, it’s because of me. I make him like this.‘So? What’s the good thing?’‘Though he was in a coma for 2 years, no physical injuries he experienced and he can go home within a few days.’‘Is there any way?’‘What?’‘Is there any way for him not to remember anything from his past? Can’t he forget his bad memories forever?’‘No.’‘No?’‘No. It’s the only way.’‘So? He has to remember any bad things I have done with him?’‘I didn’t know about what kinds of bad things you have done to him, but yes. He will remember it. Sooner or later he will remember. And you have to prepare yourself.’‘Ok thank you doc. I think it’s my turn to make him love me. He has loved me for 20 years, so now it’s my time.’ I stood and walked to the door.‘Wait!’‘What?’‘As I said before, he’s not a patient of amnesia, but rather mental. Fill him with love, kindness, warmness, sweetness, it makes the thing goes better. You have to make sure that he knows very well that you really sincere with him….And it’s a miracle that he could wake up from his 2 years coma without any affects with his body. Normally, people wouldn’t live after have a big accident like he had done before. I think, it’s what we called fate. He's not destined to leave this world, because there are things that he has not got. And I hope it’s your love.’I finally leaved his office…If I am destined to forever be hated by him, it does not matter. Because I believe that I was destined to love him until he realized that he was destined to love me too.     I'm sory if you're confusing T____T