Chapter 9 (1/1)

“He is literally the biggest pain in my ass.”“I’m just glad I’m not the one that has to help him anymore.”“Fuck off, Jimin.”“C’mon, VJ-ya, you gotta get closer.”“Shut up, Yoongi.”“Ah, ah, that’s shut up Yoongi oppa.”“I’m literally going to stick this eyeliner pencil in your cornea if you don’t stop.”“How did you manage not to kill him in the past 24 hours?”“I've been asking myself that exact question for the past half hour.”I slapped my hand on Yoongi’s face, making him groan in annoyance as I steadied his face and brought the opposite hand toward his eye with the eyeliner pencil.“No complaining. You made me do this.” I barked at him, staring intently at his eyelids as I began the work and trying desperately to ignore how smooth the skin on his cheek was under my palm.“I’m impressed. Not only did you manage to get his ass to me totally hangover free, now you’re doing the free labor for me too.” Namjoon commented with a laugh.“You should honestly be paying me for dealing with his shit constantly.” I replied with a scoff.“That’s mean, Yujin-ah.” Yoongi whined at me with an adorable pout, to which I responded with another light cheek slap.I’d dealt with him enough for the day and I didn’t wanna take any more of his nonsense.“Meeting all of you was the worst thing that ever happened to me.” I deadpanned as I finished the light shadow on Yoongi’s right eye.“That’s noona speak for ‘I love you.’” Jimin giggled, throwing his arms around my neck. “I love you too, noona!”“I never let people touch my face. You should feel honored that I allowed you to do so.” Yoongi commented offhandedly, making me growl in annoyance at him. That only made a smile spread on his face.“You two are so weird. I’m freaked out at how similar you are. I gotta get out of here.” Namjoon commented flatly, heading toward the door of the bathroom.“Is that why you like me so much, Namjoon-ah?” I called after him, making Jimin giggle while Namjoon yelled in annoyance at me.Yoongi let out a particularly loud huff through his nose, making me roll my eyes as I finished the eyeliner on his bottom left eye.“There. We’re done. Now someone get me some coffee before I inadvertently murder your lead songwriter.”***“What’s the theme for tonight’s show?” I asked as I shrugged off my jacket, allowing Yoongi to take it and store it backstage with the others.“That’s for me to know and you to find out.” He replied with a bright gummy smile, flicking my nose and making me scrunch up my face in annoyance.“Why don’t you tell me anything?” I complained with an unattractive pout, making him laugh at me.“I tell you plenty. Plus I like it when you’re surprised, so you can find out with the others.” He stated with a chuckle.“Now go, get something to drink and get to the front before it gets crowded. I wanna be able to see your dumb face before anyone else’s.”A few seconds ticked by as his words sunk in, making me shoot my gaze up toward him only to see him walking away, my jacket in hand.I bit my lip and huffed, turning on my heel to head back out from backstage to the main area.Jieun and I usually went to their concerts every Saturday together, and I was resolved to keep that routine up even without her here. As a result, we’ve begun to be recognized by the regulars and the staff here.The staff jokes about all of us together with our ‘rainbow hair.’ The nicer regular girls will make room for us toward the front, since they know that’s what the boys want. The petty ones make it more of a competition. But unpleasant encounters were few and far between at this point.“Look, unnie is here!”I started at the sudden high pitch voice followed by the loud greetings from a group of girls that were often here. They were harmless little freshman, so they never really bothered me much.However I really wasn’t used to the sudden positive attention I was given constantly. I figured a lot of them were probably only doing that in an attempt to get in the good graces of the boys, but I didn’t really care that much.“Where is Jieun unnie?” Asks one of the girls, eyes big and curious as she looks up at me.“Ah, she’s out of town so I’m here on my own tonight.” I replied politely as I pushed into the juncture at the front that the girls made for me.I answered and chatted with the group of girls for a short period while finishing my drink and waiting for the boys to come on. One of them ran off to get me another one, and I can’t lie, I did genuinely enjoy the power I currently had over them.That’s probably fucked up but its just what’s in me.Shortly after the girl came back with my drink the lights dimmed, signaling the arrival of the boys.Even though I had just seen him about a half hour previous, I still felt my heart jump in my chest when I watched Yoongi come out, dressed in the outfit I’d stolen from Jimin’s room.The girls around me lost it when Jungkook followed behind him, each member taking their position on chairs that had been set up on the stage. As soon as Namjoon sat down, the music began.Yeah just one, day one nightI was surprised by the soft beginning. Their songs were usually quite intense.If only I had just one dayI want to peacefully fall asleepintoxicated with your sweet scentI could hear the heartbeat in my ears when Yoongi started rapping, his face looking unusually soft and warm as he continued with his verse.I want to put my body in your warm and deep eyesI like that, your long, straight hairYour breathtaking neck when youput it up and the strands that fall outI unconsciously touched my own hair, biting my lip in self consciousness as I did so.He hadn’t even glanced in my direction.I appreciate the masterpiece that is youbecause your existence alone is artI imagine this all night every daybecause it’s a meaningless dream anywayI felt a lump welling up in my throat when the realization hit me. This was about her.Just one day, if I can be with youJust one day, if I can hold your handsJust one day, if I can be with youJust one dayIf only we can be togetherThe girls around me were swooning as Jungkook sang the chorus, and I suddenly felt that I was completely removed from the atmosphere around me, a heavy weight pressed against my chest as my thoughts raced.I always knew everything was about her. I don’t know if I somehow forgot that after everything that had happened between us, but that must have been the case if it hurt so much right now. It was too late. I’d fallen for him before I could even attempt to control it and it hurt so much more than I could ever imagine.I didn’t think I’d get over you easily butIs it selfish of me to hope you are the same?I’m still lying, saying that it’s all for youYou are standing in the center of my lifeI closed my eyes and took a deep breath, willing the tears building up within me to go back down and allow me to endure the hurt silently until I was in a safe place. I felt like I was suffocating under the weight of my own emotions, but couldn’t move from the spot I was frozen to in that second.Its almost like I was staying there to punish myself for allowing my feelings to fly off the handle so easily.When I opened my eyes I turned my gaze back to see him smiling brightly as he danced, making me feel another sharp pain in my chest.Who the hell knew that emotional pain could actually feel physical? Goddammit. I’m not supposed to feel emotional about anything. I hate this. How do I go back to feeling nothing?Just one day, if I can be with youJust one day, if I can hold your handsJin had a rose in his hand as he sang his part, and I watched as he jumped from his chair and moved toward the crowd, making them all go wild at the possibility of getting a rose from him.I, however, wasn’t the least bit surprised when he stopped in front of me and leaned down, giving me a radiant smile as he handed me the rose. The girls next to me gasped as I shot him a knowing look with a raised eyebrow, taking the rose nonetheless.I placed it in my hair as he returned to his place, Jimin and Tae noticeably giggly at his action as I just rolled my eyes, a smile forming on my face.It wasn’t much, but the little gesture from Jin lifted some of the pressure off of my body. I was convinced he’d noticed how I was feeling, since he was quite a perceptive guy. He was such a good friend to try and console me even for half a second during his performance. I’d have to thank him later.I quickly learned that the emotional torture wasn’t even close to over yet when the next song began.You’re my Miss Right, Miss RightIf I lose you, it’s a miss, right?Miss Right? All RightYou’re my Miss Right, Miss RightGirl you want my kiss, right?Miss RightAs if it was some sort of defense mechanism, my mind began to wander back to everything that had happened in the last twenty four hours as I downed the remainder of my drink fairly recklessly.I’d fallen asleep in his office on Thursday, and remember springing up instantly when I heard him humming a melodic line to himself, feeling the vibration on my head. I don’t know how I ended up asleep on him, but I definitely bolted out of there when I realized I did.Then he appears drunk the next evening and admits that he did so because he wanted me to take care of him. Then I ended up sleeping with him that night and somehow the majority of the day today.It didn’t add up. Nothing made sense. If he still loved her, was he just using me? Would he be the kind of guy to do that? I really couldn’t know. And it was driving me crazy.How can a person be like this?I start to feel likeI’m the only one living in this worldMy life was far simpler before I met Min Yoongi. I just woke up, went about my business, and went to sleep at night, my heart at peace with being alone. He’d thrown all that into the wind by slowly creeping into my world like this, tearing down the very carefully crafted walls that I had built around my fragile heart.I never believed that there was a godBut now you make me believebecause to me, you’re a goddessWhether you’re young or old,whether you have a hidden childI don’t care because I love youBut it was probably only a pipe dream to think that those sudden feelings were returned. What did I have to offer him, anyway? I’m probably so much less affectionate that she was, I was probably colder, and I probably had a lot less feminine characteristics than she did. She was probably way prettier, too. No matter how I thought about it, I couldn’t see any way that I would be worth anything to him. I wasn’t going to measure up. I just had to accept that fact now and move on with my life.Instead of jealousy and envy,you understand my natureThe sudden whirl of negative emotions made me drop my head on the railing as my blank eyes watched their performance, idly, the thoughts in my head continuing to grow louder and darker.Give up on it. Give up now before it hurts even worse.I was snapped back to reality when the lights suddenly shut off at the end of the song, returning much dimmer than they had been before. The boys all stood in a line with a microphone in front of them, looking much more grim than they had just a moment before.On top of this ending tuneI am standing here aloneNow tell meThat it’s over, let me knowThe tears I’d pushed back began to surface at the haunting melody and Tae’s words and Jungkook’s gorgeous harmonization.Hey girl I know,the conclusion you made by yourselfYour hand, your body, your body heatthat was hotter than the equatorI’m still here, on repeat on top of the disappeared tuneI’m turning by myself on top of this music that has endedI get it. He’s walking me through his past relationship.A single tear escaped my eye and I wiped it away quickly, too moved by this music and Yoongi’s passionate rapping to hold it all in anymore.Our eyes connected for the first time then. His gaze was serious and somewhat pained.Girl let me knowGirl let me knowAlthough I already know everything is overAlthough you’re over meGirl let me knowGirl let me knowGirl let me knowTell me something I just wanna knowknow knowI just wanna knowknow knowMy lingering feelings are trying to withstand the endSo please tell me something,girl let me knowI dropped my head down on the railing again, conscious that I couldn’t hold in my emotions anymore. His stupid metaphorical lyrics painted a very vivid picture in my mind of his feelings and it was adding to the burden of my own.Because I knew at this point, even if I didn’t want to feel this way, I still felt so much empathy for the pained boy in front of me that I couldn’t control it.The promises we made disappearedwith the time we spent togetherThe dominos have fallen with our breakupLike Juliet and RomeoDid I like you too much?I could sense his eyes on me as Hoseok rapped his part, my tears likely glistening against the dim light.You took away my stars at night,my sun at dayOnly leaving me with the darknessof a single cold cloud“I heard rumors about Suga’s composing, but this is just unbelievable.” One of the young girls around me exclaimed, her friends chiming in agreement.Please Subscribe to read the full chapter