My name is Hyukjae, and Im a freshman in college. Id like to tell you about myself, on how I feel about the world, how pathetic I feel and everything else. Just please pay your attention to me because this will be the first time that Ill open up to someone, and yes, youre a stranger, and since you are a stranger, I know you wouldnt care about the things Ill tell because youll probably forget this anyway. Just let me have this moment of me. Just this once.One of my problems is that, well, Im not attractive. You might think that it isnt a big deal, right? Because, YOU, yes you, the one whos reading this, could be attractive. For me, being unattractive is a big deal, and that creates the beginning of all my insecurities and worries. Sometimes I would stare into nothing, and ask myself, what would be my life like if I am attractive. If I am attractive, people will treat me better, people wont neglect me anymore, and Ill be a more important person to others. But sadly, I was born unattractive, and these ideas of people treating me better will be nothing but a fantasy for me. That was my secret dream. But dont get it wrong. Dont think that my life is like the life of the others, getting bullied and some sort of that. I am happy with my life and I have the biggest blessing of all; I have the best family ever. I also have good friends, well, not that many. But really, I am blessed. But, sometimes I am really thinking, what does my friends think of me? I am the person whos easy to neglect, tha person whos easy to forget, mainly because I do nothing to make a person remember me, because I might annoy them in some ways. I dont know, I think Im being delusional. Forgive me. Another thing is that, I am the ugly friend. Well I think you already expected that. Sungmin told me that Im not really ugly. Really, hes cursing me for having a low self-esteem, which I think is true. I dont really think that Im a head turner. I am nothing in our school, just your average classmate there. But Sungmin, hes really attractive, hes cute. Im not jealous of him, but, I admit, I am insecure of him, a little. But he knows that! He knows that I look up to him. Were really close, thats why I am the ugly friend. Everytime were walking side by side, I am shy because no one would think that Sungmin will be close to an average, unattractive guy. Sometimes I am asking Sungmin for an advice, on what to wear, how to look good, and hes helping me. Yes, but I dont think its really necessary to help me, because a month ago, I made up my mind that I am really good for nothing. My friends tell me I dont look that bad, I just have to flaunt my looks (if I have any).Almost all nights, Sungmin and I are talking about his love life, on how their first kiss went, how they went on their first date. And here I am, sitting, asking if I would have a chance of meeting my significant other. Every time  my familys having a reunion, my cousins would tease me because I dress up like an old man. My cousins are flaunting their guns, their hairy legs and everything else that would make a woman turn her head. One of the reasons that I wouldnt want to meet cousins is that they always take a note of what Im wearing. That pisses me. I always try hard to make my fashion better everytime well meet. But every improvement of mine is a no-no to my cousins. How harsh my life would be.I always look at myself in front of a mirror, and half of the time, I am telling myself that.... I dont look that bad. I mean, I look attractive in the smallest way, but who am I fooling.The feeling of no one will ever like you, it sucks me up. It haunts me. I am afraid of being unwanted. I am afraid that no one will take importance of me, that no one will point out good things in me, because I would never think good of me as well. I am waiting for that person, that person who will love me, and I am waiting.When it comes to love, I always hope that someone will like me. Everytime I walk on the streets, or take a bus ride, I always see an attractive person, but my hopes would be gone because I know that an attractive person will always marry an attractive person. I will always look from afar.  I want an attractive person, but I know Im fooling myself, an attractive person will never like me. But come to think of it, my other classmates, well, to be honest, some are, not that..... good looking. Sometimes Id make a high of myself and think that I look better than one or two of my classmates. I am so sorry for thinking about that. But to add more patheticness to myself, those unattractive guys in school, have girlfriends. I suck, right? Maybe I am really the most unattractive person in this world. But it also makes me think that looks arent that big deal, traits do. If a persons trait is good, then that person is beautiful. So that makes me also think that my traits arent that pleasing? Wow. I am a freshman in college, almost all of my classmates have their love lives, and in my whole life, no one liked me, no one wanted me romantically. But theres also one thing that makes this love a little harder.I am bisexual.And If youre thinking that I am 50% boy and 50% girl, youre getting it wrong. Let me make it clear. I am 70% attracted to same sex, and 30% attracted to girls. I really dont get on how I thought about that percentage thingy, but I really feel that I am more attracted to guys, not as much as I am attracted to girls.My name is Hyukjae, 17 years old and I am awkward in every way.  Foreword......... Hi! I dont know when Ill update this thing. This fanfic is eunhae. and i think donghae will top. yes, i always prefer donghae topping..PLEASE COMMENT ABOUT YOUR THOUGHTS! I NEED YOUR THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS THING SO THAT ILL TAKE A NOTE OF WHAT I SHOULD DO WITH THE NEXT UPDATE. PLEASE COMMENT! THANK YOU!