"I dont believe in second chances... Theres no such thing as fate. I make things happen, Im in control.." "You cant possibly believe that. Dont you believe in God?" I felt uncertain myself, but still asked the question. "I believe theres something up there.. it doesnt change anything. Im still G-Dragon, and youre still Tang Jaerin. Believe what you want, just dont believe in me.." He drew in a deep breath of the cigarette he was holding and let the vapor carry on the breeze. "Why?" "Because I dont believe in myself.." "I wont give up on you, G-Dragon. I know Jiyong is still in there somewhere. I still love him and I still love you." "But Im broken, Im fucked up. Jiyong is gone, okay? Just leave me alone."He sighed, running his chafed fingers through his hair. I couldnt bear to watch him suffer alone."No! Dont give up like this, please.." "Whats there left to hold on to, huh Jaerin?! What the fuck am I supposed to believe in then?!" "Me, Jiyong! Believe in me!" I begged with my hands on his chest, feeling his heartbeat through the tender strokes of my fingers. He had a heart, he just didnt know how to use it. He was crooked, stained by his loneliness. How could someone live without something to strive for?All the women, all the money, all the fame and he still wasnt happy. "Please..."I stifled a sob, even with tears welling at my eyes, blurring the world in front of me. I felt Jiyongs hands gather mine to pull away from himself. He took a step back, collecting his head between his hands, disregarding the cigarette butt falling to the gravel. The flame flickered over before dying and then I felt  my own heart give out. Jiyong just shook his head between his hands, scratching endlessly at his scalp. "Im scared," he finally mumbled. "Im fucking scared." He lowered his hands and lifted his head to hold my quivering hands again. "Save me." "F-from what?" "From myself.."   ForewordDear Jiyong,Remember me, Tang Jaerin, your best friend? Long time, no see Ji oppa. Im coming home and wanted to catch up. How are you? Whats it like being the infamous G-Dragon? I expect lots of secrets when I arrive. Ive missed you...  -Jae       I wanted to cry as I read the letter I sent to Jiyong two months ago. But even with tears threatening to fall I couldnt cry enough to ease the pain. Ever since that dreaded morning, the only thing on my mind was Jiyong. How much hed changed over the years, how much more mature hed grown. His worldwide fame, the crazy late-night parties, the drugs, the women. Those things arent who Kwon Jiyong is. G-Dragon was the man who sang for other people, Jiyong was the man who sang for himself. G-Dragon fucked every woman in sight, Jiyong made love to me. Though he told me many times who he was, I still believed Jiyong was the real man inside his heart. I only wanted him to see himself like I do. I never thought about how much it would hurt him in the process.I rested my head at the edge of his empty hospital bed, soaking the spread with useless tears. What good could my tears possibly serve him now?"Jaerin, he will see you now," a nurse called from the door and I quickly gathered my composure to accompany her to the ICU. "Ah,  Mrs. Kwon, Jiyong would like a word."I cautiously stepped around the new bed, my eyes traveling the length of his lanky stature."O-oppa.."  My voice was barely above a whisper, but nonetheless a smile formed across his bruised lips. I fixated my eyes on the dark  gashes patterning his forearm. "Jae, dont cry. Im alright, see?" He motioned weakly to his laid-out body. "Y-you remember me?" My heart quickened when he nodded. "Of course, youre my best friend.""Just your best friend?" I hoped with fingers crossed he remembered everything. Our vows, our lovemaking, anything would make me happy. "What else would you be?" The words cut through me and tore at the small string of hope I had left.  Kwon Jiyong is dead, G-Dragon survived.   Ummmm.. Im sorry for starting another story, but I couldnt help it.. I blame Jiyong oppa..   Anyways Im trying to expand my writing skills past smut and fluff.. But I am warning you now, if you dont like depressing stuff, skip over this story.. I hope you will read though, its not all depressing.. theres a bit of smut and romance so if you like that mix, this is the story to subscribe to.. ^.^ Co-author and reviewer: YourChingu-ah