Paper Plane (1/1)

Two weeks and five days. It has been two weeks and five days and nothing. Nothing, Hongki did not know how he hated that one word until now. For as long as the time mentioned, there was nothing from Jonghun, nothing at all. That little brat did not show up at Hongki’s apartment even though it was his work day. His phone was unreachable, and just like that, he vanished from Hongki’s life. Hongki slammed his mouse in frustration now he thought about it. The hard collision sound gathered his colleague’s attention. Yeonjo flinched but none of them dared to bring it up, reading his foul mood. Even Heechul and his lousy mouth decided to be wise and left him alone for once. Hongki sighed inwardly and ruffled on his already messy hair. Did it cost an arm to leave a short message explaining where he was or what he did? Why did not he at least inform Hongki about his whereabouts? The designer inwardly clicked his tongue at that. But then their last encounter repeated in his mind and he knew Jonghun would never send even a short sentence to announce himself. Why would he? He was pretty dejected, the last time Hongki saw him. He was angry and upset. The fact that Hongki caused him to feel that way burnt like a tattoo on Hongki’s skin. He sighed, probably regretting that single event for six hundred times over already. Curse him and his runny mouth and his tactless ability. Hongki wished he could at least properly deliver it well to Jonghun, though he knew it would not have created such significant difference. Either way, Hongki knew he was fully guilty and responsible for this turned up situation between them and there was also nothing he could do to fix this.It was not as if he did not try. He tried, countless times that led into exasperation, desperation, and slight depression. The younger’s phone was out of reach whenever Hongki texted and called him. Each of his calls went straight to the voicemail and after his some nth attempt, Hongki knew it was futile. Hongki drove several times in front of the younger’s house but never stepped out of his car once to meet him. So what if he met Jonghun again? He did not have some other thing to say. Whether they liked it or not, the situation between them had not change. They still both men, living in the judgmental world toward homo-sexuality. Hongki still way older (five years gap between them sometimes felt like fifty) than Jonghun and most of all, he still wished a better future for the boy. Jonghun was smart. He got good grades and talent. He was hard working and responsible on top of that, he would have a bright future. Hongki could not found in him to tatter that future with a dark streak of homosexuality. Hongki would not let Jonghun to destroy his future ahead.“Alright, spill!”Hongki turned to meet with both Heechul and Yeonjo’s eyes. They were waiting for him but he just look at them with empty gaze. Heechul clicked his tongue impatiently. “What’s wrong with you, huh? Ever since the fashion shows you haven’t been yourself.”“It’s nothing.”Heechul had the audacity to snort. “Yeah, then what’s with the sighing every five minutes, the temper tantrum, and the look as if you will not live to see the sun tomorrow?”Hongki sighed again, albeit the call on him. Heechul rolled his eyes at that. “I don’t know.”“You honestly don’t look good, oppa,” Yeonjo chimed, studying his pale complexion better. Hongki naturally got a pearl white skin, but never this pale, as white as paper skin. “It feels like that too,” he replied, put his head on the table. “Speaking of which, I haven’t seen Jonghun around lately. Where is he?” Heechul fished and the imaginary light bulb light up brightly once Hongki groaned and covered his eyes with his palm. “Ah, lover’s quarrel, isn’t it?”The two colleagues did not expect any answer from Hongki, considering his constant denial in the past and also the long far stretch silence. Hongki caught them off guard with tiny whisper. “Probably.”They shared a look. “Whoa, what’s with the sudden progress? What did you not tell me?” Heechul baffled.“I don’t know anymore,” was the only response Hongki muttered and Heechul kept probing him with tons of questions that he did not answer, most likely because he did not know the answer. The barrage of questions came into a halt when Hongki’s phone vibrated and gave a short ping indicated he got a message. Hongki snatched it from the table so quick that his fingers scrapped the wooden surface.It was indeed a message, a polite, simple message. Hey Hongki, do you have time for lunch today? Hongki was already on his feet even before the second message of the address delivered on his phone.“Hey, I hope I don’t keep you up from anything,” the person said first thing after Hongki sat across him on the cozy restaurant. “No, I’m not really busy at the moment,” Hongki replied.Daehan smiled and they both stop talking once the waitress brought up the menu for them to examine. Daehan focused on his menu and gave Hongki his front profile. It took Hongki several moments to notice something unusual from the older man in front of him. It clicked after Daehan lifted his head and Hongki saw double ugly dark puffy bags under his eyes. The usual pristine Daehan for all Hongki could say, looked beaten. There was a shadow of unshaved stubble under his chin and Daehan never looked anything than immaculate. “Everything’s alright?” Hongki asked before his brain could fully filter it. The business man replied his gaze and something in Hongki had to clear his throat from the awkwardness and he could not help but think that it was not his place to pry. “You just look… tired,” more than Hongki himself. Daehan sighed and wiped his face with his hand. When he did the gesture, Hongki could see him look old, older than his age. Something seemed to eating him down. An invisible burden slumped down his shoulders. Daehan called up the waitress and stated his order, whereas Hongki just mimic his order. Once the waitress walked away, Daehan faced Hongki again.“Thank you for asking, Hongki, things don’t come well lately,” he said. Hongki nodded, could relate with that more than Daehan could imagine. “Work?”“No,” Daehan replied, took a sip from his glass. “Actually it’s more about family.”“Oh.”The business man let out a polite, forlorn smile. “I’m really sorry to repeatedly bring you into our family’s business, Hongki. But I think about it and I don’t find anyone who knows Jonghun better than you do.” Hongki wanted to sigh at that. He did. He used to know Jonghun, able to read him like an open book. Now he did not sure anymore. All of sudden there was hidden chapters on the book, a different language on the passage, and Hongki just realized the book was thicker than his previous knowledge. “What is it?” Hongki dared to ask. “Me and Minja, we decide to separate.”Hongki choked on his drink. He tried hard not to spill and cough rather harshly. Tears gathered at the corner of his eyes when he finally could muster his replied. “You what?” Daehan sighed again. “Yeah, after long consideration, I think it’s best for us to separate. That’s actually part of the reason why I invite you to the lunch.”The newest development made Hongki raised his eyebrows in confusion. “It’s about the kids, both Jonghun and Haeri,” Daehan supplied and Hongki straightened on his seat, lurched forward. “How are they coping up?”Daehan let out a small, tired smile that Hongki did not like. “Haeri is too young to say anything about the matter, though I think she comprehends about the situation, more or less. She asks me whether she will meet me again.”Hongki closed his eyes briefly when unfamiliar stinging pain pierced him in the heart. She’s just five yet she matured a lot as if she lost her childhood. “What about Jonghun?” he forced that out of his mouth.“You know how he is,” Daehan started. “He doesn’t take it prettily but never really voiced out his complain. He just said there’s nothing new about that and he shouldn’t bother to know me after all, since it all bound to end.”And Hongki felt as if those words were meant for him. Apparently Daehan mistook his silence as a cue to continue so the business man continued. “It takes months, more even to make him at least accept my presence near him, let alone for him to discuss things with me and it all crumbles in that minute.”“I know,” probably more than Daehan could imagine.  “Jonghun takes it in a hard way.”“He is,” Daehan confirmed. “He probably doesn’t want to see me ever again after this, but Hongki, the one thing I know for certain is that I really don’t want to leave the kids into their mother’s care.”Hongki was careful not to draw out any reaction but Daehan only needed to dwell on his eyes once to understand that Hongki understood what he was talking about. “You know it too,” he opted to say. “I assume that Jonghun told you?”“Not entirely,” the designer said. “But I get the gist of it.”Daehan took another sip of his drink. Their food arrived but none of them made a move to touch the food, to engross into the conversation. The business man looked far away with mist on his eyes. He sat on the edge of his chair, shoulders stiff, scuffled with the cuff on his wrist. He looked ready to dart away, to have anything more than this unpleasant conversation. “It took a long time but I learn that Jonghun pays both his and Haeri’s tuition alone. He gets scholarship but also pays for Haeri’s. That’s why he works part time.”The usual, sharp pain on his chest emerged. It was always like that whenever he heard about how Jonghun attempted on pull everything together, despite the circumstance. Hongki’s heart ached for it, for him. He was willing to do anything, trade anything, to ease some of the burden Jonghun put on his shoulders. “It is borderline neglecting, what Minja did to them even from they were very young,” Daehan stated. Swallowing a big bitter lump, Daehan let out the point of the whole conversation. “Lately, I’ve been aware on how she can’t stop drinking and she is violent when she was drunk.”The business staring straight at Hongki and Hongki was met with a pair of dead eyes, sullen and dark. “She beats them, hit Haeri. I can’t take it anymore.”The man in front of Hongki was almost broke down, crumbled, but Hongki could not think anything except Jonghun. Jonghun, Jonghun, Jonghun. How long did the younger have to deal with it alone? “I can’t believe I didn’t see it the first time I knew her,” Daehan continued after took a drink Hongki pushed toward his direction. “I can’t see her beating the girl. I don’t want to live with that kind of woman. I want to take away the kids from her, but separation with her means let go of Jonghun and Haeri too.”Sitting in front of him, Hongki realized the weight of the situation. Daehan and Minja did not married, they just a couple living together. Now that they were about to break up, then both Jonghun and Haeri bounded to follow her as their rightful biological parent. She had the full custody of both Jonghun and Haeri and Daehan was just an outsider. So was Hongki.“Then this came.”Hongki hesitantly took the folded crisp white paper Daehan gave him from his letterman bag. Hongki raised an eyebrow but opened it. It was some kind of letter. The head of the letter was some sort of overseas university. It was written in English. Hongki skimmed below the head and it read: Letter of Acceptance in cursive, bold font. Hongki read the body of the letter and realized it was an announcement letter of acceptance to study in the aforementioned university in Los Angeles. It was sent to Jonghun. Hongki blinked and looked back at Daehan. “Jonghun gets this scholarship to study music in one of the famous performance arts university in LA.” “That’s pretty amazing.”Daehan looked at him wistfully again. “He declined and decided not to go.”“He decided what?” Hongki choked for the second time today. The business man sighed. “Yeah. It took a lot of coaxing for him to at least apply for the scholarship. Everyone could see how talented he is in music. He’s born with it.” For that statement, Hongki had to nod his agreement. “But then the separation happened. He looked at me in the eyes, Hongki, and he threw everything. He said he won’t go and he won’t leave Haeri alone, where there’s no one to protect her.” There was clearly a pair of misty eyes that was looking back at Hongki. “I promised him Haeri will be in a good hand, to convince him to apply for the scholarship.”“He’s going to lose his future, after he lost his childhood,” Hongki murmured. Instead of the pain that constantly clenched at his chest earlier, now he just felt numb. “Please talk to him, Hongki. He can’t throw away everything.”           Hongki did not know what to say upon such request even when he sat on the passenger seat on Daehan’s car, went to the business man’s house to see the younger. What can he say? Jonghun shut him off too. Hongki did not even know what to do when he finally met with the younger. He just impulsively hopped into the car and followed Daehan. At this rate, Hongki would use any excuse he had to see Jonghun.Because that was the only thing he had in mind, seeing Jonghun.Hongki still had not gathered his mind yet even after Daehan softly murmured ‘we are here’. Every step he took was most likely mechanistic. Hongki’s mind drifted elsewhere while his feet moved on automatic. It was his first time to visit Jonghun’s house. He did not know what to expect except a mess, but no, the house was on pristine condition. The stark contras from the house’s condition to the people living in there was ridiculous that Hongki somehow suffocated.Minja was nowhere in sight, the fact that Hongki took gratefully. He did not know what to do in front of the woman. Haeri was there though, on the spacious living room, coloring on her drawing book. She lifted her head when Daehan called her name. She smiled brightly and ran over to both of them. Daehan lifted her up and pecked her cheek, earned her melodious giggle. Hongki could not help but to smile at her too. She watched Hongki with her round eyes and extended her hand for Hongki to take. Hongki obeyed and trapped the tiny hand on his palm, gave a fleeting kiss on the knuckle. “Jonghun should be upstairs, in his room. He rarely left.”Hongki nodded, his mouth suddenly dried that he swallowed hardly several times. Each clutch on the wooden banister he did became tighter with each step he took. The cold wooden surface came in contact with his clammy hand as Hongki’s heart pounded faster. By the time he arrived at the upper floor, Hongki lost his breath. There were two rooms on the upper floor. One was Haeri, decided by the small bed, plushies, and peach orange gradation wall and interior. The other room was next to Haeri’s. Different with Haeri’s room, the door to this room was closed. Hongki took cautious step closer until he was right in front of the door. Before he could process about it and back away, he lifted his knuckle to knock on the wooden door. There was no answer but it such typical of Jonghun that Hongki just counted to three mentally before opened the door. The first thing he recognized was the room had completely different vibe from Haeri’s childish and feminine room. This room was painted in light gray and yellow. There was a study desk, with keyboard and guitar next to it. The fluffy carpet was black, the same with the blanket and the bed sheet. There was stack of books, school bag, and also several article of jacket and shirt placed on the table and chair. It was quite tidy for a teenager room. Despite the masculine vibe, there was nothing personal in the room like a typical teenager. There was no poster of favorite band, any game console or photo. It was as if the owner was ready to move out any moment and therefore did not bother to give a personal touch to the room. Hongki realized there was also large silver suitcase next to the bed. What it was implied, Hongki too dreadful to figure it out. The owner of the room was inside. He sat on the edge of his bed. Jonghun wore all black clothes that almost camouflaged him with his surroundings. When Jonghun finally met his eyes, there was some kind of astonishment flashed through his eyes before those orbs grew dim and became passive as ever. It was the same look Jonghun threw him at their early encounter. That look alone sent kick right into Hongki’s stomach.The designer closed the door gently behind him before took one step closer toward Jonghun. The younger shot him wary eyes.  “What do you want?” he questioning Hongki. His tone was adamant, stoic, but there was something in his wavering eyes that told Hongki the younger was in the middle of breaking apart. He was trying hard to pull himself together, guarded up. Hongki crossed the last distance between them and pulled the younger rather harshly into his embrace. For a moment Jonghun held on his breath. He was rigid before he attempted to push Hongki away, but Hongki did not budge. Instead, the older pulled the younger closer toward him. With his standing position, Jonghun’s face was buried on his chest. Hongki’s fingers came to tangle in Jonghun’s raven hair, stroking it tenderly. After what that seemed like forever, Jonghun finally encircled his arms around Hongki’s slender waist. He pushed his face even more, inhaling Hongki’s comforting scent.“It’s okay,” Hongki whispered once he heard Jonghun’s choked breath and felt the younger trembled in his embrace. “You did well.”How many times passed between them, Hongki did not know. They stayed at the same position without utter any word. His fingers never stopped stroking Jonghun’s hair, his shoulders, his back. He held Jonghun until he stopped trembling and his ragged breath turned normal. “I don’t want to leave, I won’t,” Jonghun said, hoarse but composed. “I won’t leave her alone.”Hongki did not stop his hand movement. There were so many things they should talk about, so many things Hongki wished he could convey to the younger, but it all could wait. Right now, the only thing matter was to calm the younger down, to be extra pair of hands that shared his burden that Jonghun had carried for far too long.Hongki rested his head on Jonghun’s crown head. “Okay,” and sincerely, right now, with only two of them holding each other, Hongki realized how true that word was.   Written By: Honey June